What Happened To Music?

I’m coming in hot on this one: today’s music sucks.

I already feel old having that said that.  But you and I both know that it’s true.  The magic has gone out. Elvis has left the building.  The milk’s gone sour.  Nicki Minaj showed up and started yelling the same word repeatedly and called it “rap”.

I pulled a list of around 15 songs that I’ve heard recently with just mind-numbingly stupid lyrics, and then happened to turn on the radio the other day and found this auditory gem titled “Watch Me (Whip / Nae Nae).06

The other songs were no longer needed. This one won a ride on the stupid bus.

All aboard.

You already know who it is
Silentó
Silentó
Silentó
Gonna do it for me

Awesome way to start this song.  I’m actually a huge fan of artists that constantly say their name in every one of their songs. It’s like they’re afraid people don’t have Shazam and won’t be able to find out who this hella fire song is made by. I’m looking directly at you, Akon and Pitbull.

Now watch me whip (Kill it!)
Now watch me nae nae (Okay!)
Now watch me whip whip
Watch me nae nae (Want me do it?)

x2

Watch you do what? I’m pretty sure if I tell someone to watch me do something with words like that, I’m either breaking bones, about to go viral on YouTube, or going to prison.

Ooh watch me, watch me
Ooh watch me, watch me
Ooh watch me, watch me
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

x2 AGAIN

Mother of God.  Does anyone remember good music?  Music that actually had meaning, and used words over a second grade reading level? What happened to musicians and bands like CCR, Journey, and Rush? What about bands who pushed the limits like the Beatles, Metallica, and George Strait?  Where in the hell is Garth Brooks and why did the thunder stop rolling?

Do the stanky leg (stank)
Do the stanky leg (stank stank)
Do the stanky leg (stank)
Do the stanky leg (stank stank)

Now break your legs (break ’em, break ’em)
Break your legs (break ’em dog)
Tell ’em “break your legs” (break ’em, break ’em)
Break your legs (break ’em dog)
Tell ’em “break your legs” (break ’em, break ’em)
Break your legs (break ’em dog)
Tell ’em “break your legs” (break ’em, break ’em)
Break your legs (break ’em dog)

…ugh.

Call me a white girl, because on a scale of 1 to even, I literally can’t.

Now watch me
Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop
Now watch me
Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop

What the fuck.  I think we can stop here, as I’m pretty sure my point has been made.  Pretty sure.

 

My brain hurts.  It actively hurts.  This isn’t a headache kind of pain, but a deep, throbbing, facehugger infiltrating my head cavity through my mouth hole kind of pain.  And while it hurts, it’s more pleasant than that goddamn song.

Watch Me  (Whip / Nae Nae) hit #3 on the charts at its peak.  As of this blog post, it’s #4 on iTunes most popular charts.  People turn out in droves to buy this shit, but won’t get off their asses and go see Mad Max: Fury Road.  That’s a fucking travesty in and of itself.  Mad Max Bane was terrific.

A recent study from Andrew Powell-Morse at seatsmart.com shows that last year, the average reading level of a Billboard #1 hit was between a second and third grade reading level.  A decade prior? It was between a third and fourth grade reading level.  This is a catastrophe of Olympian proportions.

Sorry, Billboard.  I meant to say “iz a big problem.”

Country currently leads the pack with a 3.3 grade reading level. In layman’s terms, it’s made for children age 9 and under.  According to Powell-Morse, “The average reading level of Eminem is a grade-and-a-half higher than Beyoncé, while Nickelback (!) tops Foo Fighters by nearly a number letter grade. In the world of pop music, superstars like Mariah Carey and Adele rank a full number grade higher than the likes of Lady Gaga and Ke$ha.”  Nickelback topping Foo Fighters? I actually found myself surprised by that. Adele crushing Lady Gaga under her boot heels? Not so much.

The moral of the story?  Society isn’t even trying anymore.  We’re so lazy we don’t even care that people barely use real words in their songs anymore.  I’ve seen people go batshit banana sandwich on other people on Facebook because they mention that they support/don’t support the Confederate flag getting banned, but absolute shit lyrics like this are allowed to rape my ear drums with reckless abandon:

Now watch me duff, duff, duff, duff, duff, duff, duff, duff (Hold on)
Now watch me duff, duff, duff, duff, duff, duff, duff, duff, duff

OH, AND ONE MORE THING:

I have an honorable mention for a very special song.  A song that, as a father to two small daughters, made me just swell up with pride and hope for the future.  A song that made me feel that women worldwide and in STEM fields are ready to be taken seriously, and that the singers are prepared to really put pencil to paper, nose to book to be successful in this world.  You guessed it correctly, I’m talking about Fifth Harmony’s “I’m Worth It”.

Give it to me, I’m worth it
Baby, I’m worth it
Uh huh I’m worth it
Gimme gimme I’m worth it
Give it to me, I’m worth it
Baby, I’m worth it
Uh huh I’m worth it
Gimme gimme I’m worth it

Never mind.  Those lyrics are the exact definition of a musical fucking travesty.  Get your shit together and grow the fuck up.  I understand it’s “just a song”, but fuck that.  Stop talking like little kids.  Stop pushing out the idea that things are just given to you.  STOP BEING SHITTY MUSICIANS.

 

4 thoughts on “What Happened To Music?”

  1. THANK. YOU. I thought it was me who was just annoyed with todays music! Nothing is better than Sirius Classic Rewind, 7 on 70’s or even 8 on 80’s! #nowyouknow

  2. While I feel like the songs (and specifically the lyrics) you mentioned are atrocious in their own way, I’d be remiss to state that I don’t LOVE some of the stuff that’s out on pop radio. There is some really catchy fun stuff out there that is probably considered low-brow by most standards, but it’s fun, stupid and can be good to just put on and let go while you listen.

    Shane, what’s an example of some really good music that you enjoy?

  3. The maine fault is the people who are listening to them and giving them credit.
    Good thing i don’t listen to western crap. I live in east Europe and we have so much western “style” of music promoting on the radio nonstop. And i don’t listen to that crap. I i listen to quality music from the east like Fairuz, Vitas, Polina Gagarina, George wassouf. Leningrad (Rock band). I just think Eastern society has better quality music these days maybe always had.

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