When Capcom announced the release of Street Fighter III: Third Strike Online it brought tears of joy to millions of fight game fanboys the world over.
Often considered the most underrated fighting game of all time according to a survey I fabricated (read: lied about) for this article, SF3:TSO’s release simultaneously caused Vietnam style flashbacks to many of those who suffered through the video-game equivalent of anal rape via the games final boss, Gill.
This guy fucking sucks. I mean, seriously. He makes M. Bison look like baby town frolics by comparison. Regardless of how feminine he may appear, this guy will absolutely punish you and crush your spirit. He leaves no survivors, takes no prisoners, and I’m pretty sure he ate Fabio and absorbed his manliness. Fighting Gill is the Street Fighter equivalent of an episode of HBO’s OZ.
The following is a video by a YouTube’s user who has captured an encounter with a Wild Gill who was clearly there to rape and chew bubble gum, and he ran out of Bubblelicious. The following video may disturb you- unless you don’t play videogames at which point you’ll probably have no idea what’s going on.
Here, our hero was actually victorious after a rage mode attack on Gill using Alex. This probably occurred after hours of failure at which point the settings were changed to “Easy Moed” and he cleaned the disc with his tears and his tattered rags of clothing- ripped to shreds by battle after endless battle with this freak of video game nature.
Alright, I’m sorry. That last paragraph may have been a little over dramatic. I realize that not every battle with Gill ends with tears, or broken PS2 controllers. But most do. He’s the most frustratingly difficult final boss in fighting game history. Even Shao Kahn from any version of Mortal Kombat doesn’t hold a candle to this Gill. At least you can spam Kahn with the same attacks and beat him, but not with Gill.
Here’s how Gill is broken down according to a Street Fighter wiki on wikia.com:
Gill is 6’11” and weighs 745 lbs. His move set is powered by Pyrokenesis and Cryokenisis… this means he can use the powers of both fire and ice… with his mind. So wait, you’re telling me that he is bigger and stronger than the Andre The Giant and can shoot ice crystals and fireballs from his mind and on top of all of that, he still looks like a Greek God?
Worst of all? Gill’s intentions are actually good! You can’t even hate this asshole for being a true “bad-guy” because he’s actually attempting to preserve the salvation of mankind. Sure, maybe his methods are a bit extreme and he could stand to wear actual pants, but come on!
“Gill is the leader of a mysterious cult-like organization called the Illuminati which has manipulated world events for over 2000 years, and is dedicated to the salvation of mankind, and creation of a new utopia.” – from streetfighter.wikia.com
So, I bet you’re wondering how awesome it must be to fight this prick? I know you are.
Gill is fast, inflicts heavy damage, does an extremely large amount of stun, and can string together very long juggles. He can also inflict block damage with normal attacks, which makes it difficult to employ defensive strategies against him. This also makes it virtually impossible to achieve a perfect victory against Gill. – from streetfighter.wikia.com
Oh, well that’s easy enough, I guess I’ve seen wor–
One dangerous element of Gill’s is his Resurrection Super Art. If his lifebar is emptied by the player while his Super Arts bar on the other hand is completely filled, Gill will rise from the ground with his health gradually restoring itself. In 3rd Strike, Gill has the potential to restore all of his health, however if the player hits him in his rising animation frames his recovery will stop. During his rising animation his opponent is constantly pushed away from him, making it difficult for a player or their projectiles from coming near. – from streetfighter.wikia.com
Oh. I see. So, you’re telling me that if I manage to get around his higher speed, heavier stun, overpowered attacks, and even attacks that do so much damage that I’m even losing life while blocking, and manage to do so twice that I still have to beat him a third time? Are you fucking kidding me? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
I like how they are throwing you a bone with the whole “only recovers some life” thing. We have established that even at half a life bar this guy will make you clean his house just by looking at you. I mean, this game should come with a free bottle of lube with every purchase!
So, there you have it. All of the reasons why Gill can eat my ass. He sucks. Bad.