The Man With The Golden Nunchuk

Silly Spudnik, Always Dropping A Deuce On The Job...

Rumors afloat around the interwebz insist that Activision will announce a remake of Goldeneye 007, the classic N64 title, for the Nintendo Wii. While the game has been all but confirmed, the resulting outcome may not be what everyone thinks it will be. So, let’s do what any good website would do: speculate horribly on the rumors and possible outcomes of this title and incite flame wars about it!

Same Nintendo, New Generation of Suck:

Okay, so as we all know, Goldeneye was the most popular title on the N64 (arguably) and not only helped to make that system the success that it was, but it was also the game to make First Person Shooters a reality on home consoles versus the “Only For PC” option that they were before. Naturally, it seems only fair (and it some ways nostalgic) that Nintendo be the console that gets exclusivity for this remake…

Wait, what?

So you’re saying The Wii, the worst console for the FPS genre, is now getting a remake of one of the most popular console FPS’s in history? I can’t even think of an analogy that matches the stupidity of this. There are so many systems that would be better suited to run a game of this (potential) caliber, that I’d almost rather see it on PC than on the Wii, at least not exclusively. But, alas, Nintendo probably has some kind of perma-lock on the rights to any remake of Goldeneye, so we’re stuck with them. The one good thing about it being on the Wii, is that we’re sure to get some kind of crappy peripheral to make us feel like we aren’t total losers holding that controller/nunchuk combination…

Dear Nintendo, why do you hate games? Signed, Geeeoff.

Oh, great, Nintendo. Thank you so much for putting that orange thing on the barrel of the gun. For a second there, I thought my friends and neighbors would be worried that I’d shoot my expensive LCD TV with a golden gun that just so happened to look like a Nintendo controller.

Same Story, New Bond:

While the story should be essentially the same, the speculation is that it will be re-tooled for a modern audience with a new Bond. There have been hints that Daniel Craig, the current on-screen Bond, will be in the main role. For licensing and royalty reasons, this game is going to require all new character models, and will not be able to feature Pierce Brosnan or any of the other actors who allowed their likenesses for the original. Craig is the obvious choice to be Bond since he will likely be the Bond in films for the foreseeable future. I actually like the idea of making Craig the new lead and giving this game a grittier feel like the current films If this is in fact true, then this is one of the bright spots of this remake. Let’s hope Craig has a better experience than he did on the Quantum of Solace game, which received largely mixed reviews.

Overcooked, Not Rare:

We’re all aware that Rare was the company behind the original Goldeneye, as well as many of Nintendo’s more successful titles from that decade. However, Rare was purchased by Microsoft in 2002 and Activision has owned the rights to the Bond franchise for some time now. This means that Goldeneye Wii is not going to be at all a re-release, but a true re-make. What does that mean from a game stand-point? It means a completely different game engine from a completely different developer. Really, it essentially means that nothing at all about the original and the remake will be the same, save for the name and the concept (Oh, and the Facility level).

Activision has been known for beating franchises to death like they’ll win something if they keep doing it (Tony Hawk, Guitar Hero, etc). However, they have been known to put out some semi-quality titles (Call of Duty) and being that this game will probably be developed by Treyarch (Infinity Ward’s red headed little step brother), it’ll likely be a better FPS than the original Goldeneye. But, we don’t go back and play Goldeneye today because it still holds up as a great FPS, we play it today because of the nostalgia that it offers! In fact, as an FPS, the game has aged horribly. Activision should be AS focused on re-creating the nostalgia as they should be with creating a good FPS. I think most fans would prefer a straight re-release of this title on XBLA, but Nintendo and Microsoft argued about the monies and killed many of our dreams of that happening. Maybe, they’ll both see the error of their ways and see that a port is a much more viable option and probably more financially stable an idea than this game.

The Verdict:

That’s right. I’m going to go ahead and admit that the idea of this game completely thrills and terrifies me, simultaneously. I hold my arms wide open for modernizing or even reimagining games. But, is this one game that can’t be remade? Again, I may be part of a minority here, but I believe that the original game was lightning in a bottle. This would have to have the right mix of nostalgia, and great modern game play in order to build on the success of the original. I feel that ultimately, this game will fail because people will be able to enjoy the game, but will be looking for more than that, and walk away disappointed. There is a reason why not a single Bond game since N64’s classic has been able to live up to the original. All of the Bond titles have been an improvement in some way, but what has been unable to be captured to this point is the feeling we all got when we sat around with our friends and played this game till 4 a.m. Activision, I hope you’re up to the challenge.